I haven't written in a while. I read somewhere that when you are diagnosed with cancer you will underestimate how tired you are going to be. I know that this has been true for me. I kept fantasizing about all of these things I would do with my time off. I would write books, play with my children, bake bread, make art - and then the reality set in. Each round of chemotherapy is exponentially more exhausting.
I am tired. My bones and muscles ache as if I ran a marathon, only I have hardly moved. Everything feels like it takes ten times the amount of effort that it would if I was well. The neuropathy in my fingers even makes typing on the computer unpleasant. I am irritable. There is a bitter metallic taste in my mouth that will not go away- no matter what I eat. I am miserable. Just prior to getting chemotherapy this last week, I came down with the flu. Which has made everything worse.
Prior to cancer, my primary health concern was my lungs. Asthma had created scar tissue- which had created nice little pockets for fluids to settle- which in turn would become pneumonia. Last year I had pneumonia probably five times. At this moment, I can feel the fluids build up in my lungs. Having a suppressed immune system makes this notion extremely frightening.
Yesterday, I tried drinking tons of fluids and resting- but my immune system is in some need of assistance. And so, I am awake at 5:30am waiting for my family to wake up so that they can take me to the emergency room. I have packed a bag with my kindle and some drawing materials - my slippers- and my cell phone.
I have some art that I have done recently that I am excited to share - but it will have to wait until I have recovered from this lung infection. In the mean time, I would gladly accept any well wishes or positive energy you can spare.
I am tired. My bones and muscles ache as if I ran a marathon, only I have hardly moved. Everything feels like it takes ten times the amount of effort that it would if I was well. The neuropathy in my fingers even makes typing on the computer unpleasant. I am irritable. There is a bitter metallic taste in my mouth that will not go away- no matter what I eat. I am miserable. Just prior to getting chemotherapy this last week, I came down with the flu. Which has made everything worse.
Prior to cancer, my primary health concern was my lungs. Asthma had created scar tissue- which had created nice little pockets for fluids to settle- which in turn would become pneumonia. Last year I had pneumonia probably five times. At this moment, I can feel the fluids build up in my lungs. Having a suppressed immune system makes this notion extremely frightening.
Yesterday, I tried drinking tons of fluids and resting- but my immune system is in some need of assistance. And so, I am awake at 5:30am waiting for my family to wake up so that they can take me to the emergency room. I have packed a bag with my kindle and some drawing materials - my slippers- and my cell phone.
I have some art that I have done recently that I am excited to share - but it will have to wait until I have recovered from this lung infection. In the mean time, I would gladly accept any well wishes or positive energy you can spare.
Deann I hope you get through this infection quickly. Sending you lots of healing love! Cheryl
ReplyDeletelighting candles and infusing you in love and light.
ReplyDeleteoh dear deann....i am holding you up. every time i see something in my world that touches my heart i promise to pause and infuse you once again.
i am certain this will happen at least a thousand times a day.
xoxoxoxxooxoxox
Thank you for sharing this painful but important process Deann. Sending you healing love.
ReplyDeleteWell wishes: done and done! Positive energy flowing in your direction. Infusions of healing and care coming your way.
ReplyDelete